SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
