You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
