Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize