i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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