and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
