Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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