I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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