i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
do herpes really smell.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You are a genius and a whore.
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