You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
