I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
