i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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