tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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