just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
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