Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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