she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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