do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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