So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
