What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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