Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
