Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
