ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
