its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
