You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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