it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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