I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I deserve to be covered in dicks
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
