i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Come see our sink grown plant.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
