That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
