Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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