Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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