my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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