i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
