We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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