Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
