my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Hippo gnu deer
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
