hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
