Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
