I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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