And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
