The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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