Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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