I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate