Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.