I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.