I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that