The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You had me at "let me see your balls"
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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