Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
