everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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