you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You've changed since you got that strap on
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
