Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?