hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
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It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
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No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.