if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
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Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
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Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!