You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night