i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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