party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
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Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
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I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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