If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Who died my cat blue again?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
