you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
