I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
