what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
