and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
it was like eating out sand paper
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
