i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
