you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
