dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
