I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
