yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
