I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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