I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I am midnight drunk by noon
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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