why didn't you poke me back
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
