he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
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