I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
