conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
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I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
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I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
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